his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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