Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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