3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize