I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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