So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
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I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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