Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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