Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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