WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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