You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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