I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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