Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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