When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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