Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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