I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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