Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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