My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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