At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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