I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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