you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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