sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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