That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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