So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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