And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm really busy with my period
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