Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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