and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize