your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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