i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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