and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize