So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
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dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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