i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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