He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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