you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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