Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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