The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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