I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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