The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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