I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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