Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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