You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize