he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize