The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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