I hate your face
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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