Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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