We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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