I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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