Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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