the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize