you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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