If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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