I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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